I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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