david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
