You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
