I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
