woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
