Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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