a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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