i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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