Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
