Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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