she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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