she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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