I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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