I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
