im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
