the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
