I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
