so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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