my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
