Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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