I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize