My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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