Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Randomize
