Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
