I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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