i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
