I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
