Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
