I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
