kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
