so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
