No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize