I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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