So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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