If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
