my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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