Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just had sex on a roof
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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