the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
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we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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