I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The best revenge is premature balding
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...