now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?