I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
