I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize