he wants to bone in the snuggie
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
