Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
