I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
