I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize