she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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