I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
