Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I am one with the molecules
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
