Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize