you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
wow bdsm is so cute
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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