Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
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Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
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Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad