That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.