Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
