apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
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Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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