It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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