The best revenge is premature balding
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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