My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have surprise drugs for everyone
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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