You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
