So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize